Spent last Christmas trying to come to terms with not getting a wake up call from my uncle ever again. Never imagined how tough the following one would also be.
Do you know that feeling of no matter what you’re going through, it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, everything will be okay? That’s what my grandmother gave me. That feeling. That reassurance.
Now I feel like I’ve lost that “everything will be okay” feeling and I’m trying to reconcile life around that. Being overwhelmed with grief is one thing, but I’m used to that. I can do sad. I’ve been doing sad for a long time. But the fear? The fear is something I’m not used to. So that is what 2019 has looked like for me. That is where I still am. I usually end these with a positive note; however, this is still a work in progress. So I guess that’s the positive: I’m still here. Still feeling. Still working through. But still scared.
Sending love to everyone going through the holidays with some grief and some fear.
Can’t tell you how it looks to come out on the other side,
but looking forward to the day I can.
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