One of the greatest lessons my PaPa taught me was to mind my own business.
There was a point in my teenage life when I was basically estranged from my father’s side of the family. During this time, somehow, me and my grandfather became pen pals. I remember wanting to know everything about why his family had friction and the other side of the story to why mine was falling apart. He told me to focus on our relationship and that the relationships between other people was none of my business and something I can't spend my life concerned about. The more we talked about it, the more it made sense to me. No matter what I heard about him as a husband, he was an ideal grandfather to me. One of the greatest gifts he gave me was a chance to grow our relationship and the freedom to let go of other people’s pain.
I remember vividly when the switch was made from me being upset with my dad for my mom to me being upset with him for myself. If I had held onto all of my mother’s pain, I would never be free today because she still is not free. When you realize that letting go is for you and not for the other person, that is when you can find peace.
Eventually, my dad apologized to my adult self for not being there for my adolescent self and I forgave him. I continue to struggle every now and then, but my adult self always stresses to remember that people are human. I am now the age of my parents when they had me and I cannot even imagine the stress of raising a child(/children). We all can just hope that we can bring lives into the world someday who do not end up as damaged as us.
Today, I still try not to love my dad too loud in front of my mom.
I understand her pain. I saw it. I felt it. I lived through it.
But, in order to free myself, I had to understand his pain also.
And I had to recognize that their relationship is none of my business.
One day maybe they will understand my pain.
Then they will finally realize that their relationship is none of my business either.