I have had the same dream for my life since I was in the 2nd grade. I knew what I wanted to do and I devised a plan on how to get there. Somewhere along the way, the plan got a wrench, hammer, nails and everything else thrown in it. Everything went left. I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I kept working hard and knew that I had to do everything I could to get it done.
But the confidence faded. The one thing that kept me going was nowhere to be found. All the deterrents became signs to me. They became a reality check. Why are you working so hard for something the universe keeps telling you is impossible? Why won’t you listen to the signs? I caved. I let my thoughts get the best of me. I woke up. I let the dream go.
Yet here I am again… back where I began. Dreaming.
When I started my first real full-time job, my brother-in-law told me “Don’t get too caught up in the money. Once you start having a steady income, it’s hard to let that go. It’s hard to remember what you ultimately want.” Oh, was he right! I’m not privileged. I wasn’t lucky enough to go through college without working. I don’t have parents who can afford to help me handle the stress of life while I focus completely on school. So I work. I work a lot. I’m scared not to work. I’m afraid of not knowing where my next meal is going to come from again. I’m afraid of the return of instability.
Last Friday, I finally took a leap. I finally told my boss of my insecurity and that I’m ready to choose the dream again. Thankfully, I have an amazing boss and she believes in me more than I even do. Grateful for the option that was presented to me.
So I’m choosing the dream. I’m letting go of the salary I’ve been accustomed to and choosing the dream. I’m terrified. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to let people down. I don’t want to let myself down. However, I know that if I don’t take the leap, I will regret it every day for the rest of my life. That’s more terrifying than anything.
I will make the dream a reality. No matter the cost. No matter the struggle.
