“You can see some stuff because of how you had to cry.”
I haven’t been to New Orleans since 2005… Since I found out the most shattering news of my life. Since I uprooted my life and packed everything last minute to head out to attend an HBCU for a year. Since that year became 2 weeks and that last day became hell. Since we ran to Atlanta from Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t been back since. I was 17.
I never put this into perspective. I never thought anything of it. I just have not wanted to go. Right? But today the emotions came all over again and I remember why I have been so hesitant to return. Currently, parts of Louisiana are experiencing floods… #PrayForLouisiana. Flashbacks come to mind of the devastation that occurred there. I think about all of my STUFF that was lost and it’s minute compared to lives that were lost, livelihoods that were ruined, culture that has been tainted.
On Tuesdays, we go to bible study and something really resonated with me last week. The lesson was about the stages of loss and focused on the second stage, anger. I am very much aware of that stage. I live in that stage. I dwell there. I make it my home regularly. One of the antidotes to anger is to “practice the art of acquiescence.” Here is where I know I need help. I live in the past and I constantly fight what is and was necessary. I think of all the things I could have done to prevent the negative, all the things I should have done. I think of where I would be now if things would have gone differently, how better life could have been.
However,
“When you fight what is necessary, you remove the hedge of protection that God has over your life. It is (and was) necessary for where He wants to take you. Think to yourself, ‘would I be who I am today if this had not happened?’ It was necessary.”
If I think of all the wonderful things that have happened since the dreadful year of 2005, I have to realize that I might have missed out on all of that. I may have never met the people I love today. I have to trust that everything happens according to God’s plan and He doesn’t change the plan just because of what I want to do. My blessings have already been scheduled.
I am returning to Nawlins this year and I cannot wait. I love that city and I can’t believe I’ve let 11 years go by because of anger and fear. Never again. I had to realize that some things are and were just necessary. You have to just keep on living and learning. God got this.
You can see some stuff because of how you had to cry.
